Schindler's List

Its funny actually, we live in a world where there are numbers on the newspapers every morning. The numbers of people who died in a suicide bombing here or in a flood there. They don’t really add up in our minds because we didn’t know them. Its not like we don’t care. Its just we don’t really have the means to.

The touching part in Schindler’s List was when he was able to realize the value of one person. When he was able to see that one person who he had never met meant something immense to him.

When I took a year off before college, I had no idea why I was doing it or what I would end up gaining from it. I can say in the end…I walked away with one thing. One. But that one thing was the biggest lesson I could and probably will ever learn for a very long time. I learned how much one person meant to the world. I learned that if you only go by numbers you really couldn’t go very far. I learned that if people could learn to feel and care for someone they had never met …miracles could and would happen. I didn’t walk away from that year with the coveted certificate of completing anything…but I walked away with a broken heart for the world. I learned how to see and feel things in a whole new way.

Anyways…I guess that’s the reason why Schindler’s list made me silent for a while. I didn’t know what to think really. 6,000,000 people are too much. Too much. Too much.

6 million dreams, hopes, loves, futures…

6 million??

I have 563 friends on Facebook. And probably a good 50 without it…That’s 600 people.

If there was a candle for every life lost..6 million lights would go on forever….

Korean Subway Stories

-i ride the subway a minimum of 2 hours a day now, so so far i've had some interesting encounters....-

--the grass lady---one evening, this lady walked on the subway with a huge enormous bundle of grass that literally touched the ceiling of the subway car. i say it was a lady just because of (her) hands and feet, I never actually saw (her) face. i'm in a foreign country, so i'm fairly used to the weirdos, but (she) still sticks in my mind. where was she going with a bundle of grass? why?

--the jesus man---ok, so i know you can encounter these guys in america too, but this guy was really into it. his cross was HUGE and it had 'love' written in all these languages on it, ( you know, just in case you didn't know the cross story...) he was dressed all in red. and he was going down the subway car preaching to us.i say preaching but it was more like shrieking and chanting mixed up... i tried to look like i was already full of the holy spirit....

--mister korea---so, there isn't a huge selection of english books here and i do the best with what i get. i recently bought "the best american essays of 2008" at a local bookstore, and was reading a freakishly random yet interesting essay on hitler's mustache. being all brown hair and blue-eyed and all...i've been rather lucky to avoid the anti-americans, but once in awhile i get 'em. so..i'm intently reading my essay book (i mean, its about the fuhrer's trademark facial hair, it was intenssse) and i see this pair of legs thrust themselves in front of me. ohh no... i'm thinking. this can't be good. "title!!" comes this rough old voice in broken english. i ignore it..."Title!!" he goes again. I look up with the biggest smile "Hey..." In my head i'm thinking, shit, it says the a-word on the cover, whyyyy oh whyyy does it say the a-word?? "book title!!" he demands again. so with my smile still glued to my face i turn my book over and wait for the screams...he reads loudly "best american....no no!!! korea is best! korea number one". i gulp..."sir...its not even about america really....its kinda about the nazis right now..." but he was already gone. why cant we all be friends...

--the squirmy guy---so you know when there's one seat available and two people walk on and its awkward for like half a second and then someone automatically gives it up. well....unless one of you is 90 years old, not in korea. its sit or be sat upon round here. literally. i walk on and so does this 20something guy. we see the seat, i don't go for it and neither does he, so i take a step forward and so does he, i avoid it and then he does, i go for it and then he does.......this went on for a good 3 seconds. then i went for it at the same time as he did and for some reason didn't see him sit down or something...and ended up on his lap. ya. not cool. needless to say i got out of that car faast.

--the salesmanly-man---leggings are allllll the rage right now. miniskirts and leggings, shorts and leggings, shirts and leggings,blah blahh. and its not enough that they have a ready supply of every color and texture available everywhere, the salespeople actually come onto the train to sell them. now, leggings are generally worn primarily if not exclusively by women and ballerina-men right? wrong. imagine my surprise when the 60-year-old salesman lifted up his pant leg...ever so slightly...to reveal that he too wore them underneath it all. i don't know how he sold anything that way....

--the squatting lady---sometimes the car is so packed that you cant move. i detest this so so much and during rush hour i always try to get on either at the very front or the very back of the train so that i can have a wall to lean on. well, i made a friend one day. usually the old ladies are grumpy grumpy grumpy but this one had one of those contagious smiles, and a twinkle in her eye. she looked at me mischievously and slowly slid her back down the wall until she was sitting on the floor, she then took some newspaper that was on the ground and spread it out for me, so i (obediently, of course) followed suit. she must have been so old but she still had that spark in her. she gave me some ginseng (ew) candy and teared up when i called her beautiful. we got off at the same stop and i walked her up to the elevator. she pumped my hand up and down with all her strength when we said bye, and i think she was the most beautiful thing i've seen since. after all, what is beauty without a smile and a twinkle in its eye?

Wintertime

*winterrrrrrrr.iwanna.go.iceskating

##Today i tested LG phones.

Surrounded by four eager, turtleneck-wearing 35/40-year-old nerds and with the project manager of LG breathing down my neck i did 3 straight hours of voice recognition testing and recording. None of them spoke english, and though i've been catching much korean, we still couldnt really communicate. they just shoved a stack of papers in front of me and made me say the words at the beep. ( : "call Barbara Perez", "restart", "send video message to Jean". nothing to it. so....if youre thinking of buying an LG, ask me and i'll tell you which ones are crap. lol. this country is full of surprises.

##henna. my mom lived in morrocco until she was 16, so i grew up helping her put the nasty weed-smelling green mess into her black hair to give it a reddish-tint and get rid of the grays that managed to find their way there. today, i decided to break my own hair-color virginity. i'm now an auburn ( ; yay, i needed something new, and it hits the spot.

##i watched Baz Lurmahn's (he deserves capitals) romeo+juliet for the first time a couple nights ago. loveloveloved it! Lurmahn is a genius. his austrailia was brilliant as well....i think people should stop complaining, historical inaccuracies are always there and noted...as a history buff myself,,it came very close and was a beautifully played out song on the heart-strings.

Jeans are like friends

There are the crappy ones. Expensive ones. Thrift store no-names. Dark ones. Light ones. Go-to ones. Ones that make you look great. Skinny ones. And your highschool ones that dont make much sense but you keep close for old-times sake...

Finding decent jeans/friends, let alone great ones, is a battle. But once you find that perfect one, you can trust on them for years.

I bought 3 pairs of jeans on the same day 3 years ago, and they have traveled with me everywhere ever since. If I went on a trip, I would take these 3 pairs because they were reliable and dependable. There wasnt much guesswork because I felt comfortable in them. Similarly, in the past few years I have held onto a few close people and trusted and relied on them to an extreme ammount (I feel). I couldnt conceive that maybe I would lose them one day or have to trade them in for anyone else.

A couple weeks ago, I found a hole in one of my sacred jeans. My best pair. I grabbed for my next available pair and surprisingly there was a delicately thin patch in the same place, and on my third pair, as well. Three jeans, entered my life on the same day and left together on the same day as well. It's like I was too busy using them that I had started to believe they would stick around with me forever.

So, I hit up Calvin Klein and got a really anti-Gloria pair of jeans. They're just not me. And I love that. I love being able to step into something else. I'm not going to lie and say I threw away those 3 pairs of beloved stretched-out denim...I still have them. I don't really know why, but I think its for the same reason that I keep all of my friends-even those that I seem to have grown out of- at a reasonable distance. I keep those jeans just in case I might want to wear them again someday. Or make cutoffs out of. But I dont want to ever burn out a pair of jeans/ a person ever again.

It's ok to grow and to change. It's ok to shed your skin. It's the way we were made. Keep on moving. But just dont throw it away, you might need it again someday.

~<3

I don't think I'm meant for journalistic greatness if I can't keep this up. And I haven't really been keeping it up so...tralala.

Looking for a job, and a house, and a car. (and balance too would be nice) It's funny because a week ago I thought I had all those things in the bag and ready to go. So I slacked off and thought that if I just smiled and let the wind blow( like I usually do) , the gods would bring me all the earthly pleasures I deserve.
Well I guess that means I deserve to be all stressed out about money?
I'd like to believe that I have good fortune when it comes to money. My family in general has been lucky with the green stuff in the long run and I think karma has a hell of a lot to do with it.
When I was born the only reason why my dad couldn't apply for food stamps was because he was a white male. Even though our fridge was empty, my parents were unemployed and living in a PG county HUD home just like the best of them.
Call me against the traditional liberal grain of my generation.. but that's majorly fucked up...

So it took awhile(a decade or so actually) for our application to the Karma department to go through, but when it did I think some of the pixie dust fell on me. So I'm relatively good with money. Not that it comes flying at me like metal clippings to a magnet but I just don't usually worry about it and things work themselves out.
But now, I hate to say it but I'm panicking. and it's usually against my money rules to panic, because I think people who panic about money don't work the energy in their favor, so I'm trying to breathe and trying to look at it all in perspective but at the end of the day....I'm allowed to worry a little right?

So I'm worrying right now as I'm writing this...and hoping (ever so gently) that karma hurries along with all the people who deserve it's grace more than me.
Maybe in time for midterms?
Or Christmas?

~gloria

home again

They say home is where the heart is. I think this goes deeper than it sounds like at first. The heart is supposed to be the place where secret things hit. Pain is the most excruciating there and happiness is the most comforting.
Home has always been such a bitter place for me. I've never been homesick in my life and yet I care too much to disown the place (I also don't care for the thought of becoming disowned either so I try and play my cards right haha).
Tomorrow I'm going on a week-long trip to South Dakota with my father. That's 4 days in a car (red Roush limited edition badassmutherfrikin Mustang for those who know what that is) with a man that knows me all too well. We've both changed and moulded over the years for the good and the worse. I am proud of my father and yet I also see myself still fighting battles that he has surrendered long ago, battles that I have every intention of winning. I'm nervous for the conversations and yet I know I would rather have them than be left wishing I had taken the time to.
I've never been to the Dakotas. I've been to Nebraska and I have no clue why but completely loved it there. So, in the spirit of the road trip..I am going to take many many pictures!!
Stay tuned and have a great summer

a song i wish i could sing

"...and freedom, oh freedom well, thats just some people talkin'. Your prison is walking through this world all alone."

the god of men

i find it interesting that the god of those who see themselves as the "chosen ones" in history is always a very judgemental and elitist god.
i like Jesus. he made sense and i find it a little funny that he decided to set up camp in paradise.
who the hell are we to think we can do better than him? i certainly don't expect to. you can't measure goodness by the presence of a wedding band or the number of children you were lucky to have.
just like truth, beauty or hate. you just can't measure love.

the heat is on

summer is definitely here.
I love summer nights with a passion.
After a long hot sweaty day with sunglasses and the wrong clothes on, a t-shirt and shorts with the cool breeze cooling your skin and twilight cooling your eyes.....perfecto.
I feel like this summer is going to be wonderful, as in the best summer of my life so far.
I'm not going to lie..I'm very excited.

**Today the president of IlJin( my business English client) took me and my roomie out for dinner at a Tuscan Italian ristorante. Probably the nicest and most expensive meal I will ever eat. 5 courses. Scallops to fine wine to lamb to tiramisu. If you are the kind of person who dreams of food, it was what dreams are made of.
I find it very hard to really appreciate food, and I think it might be because i burned off my taste buds by the age of 10 with my boiling-hot tea obsession. But whatever the reason, I'm really not that into food. I like veggies..and sweets...and that's about it really.
But this meal, ahh....perfection.

**Do you ever get that feeling that you are encouraging someone you love down a path that you know, from experience, won't end well, simply because you're too chicken to tell them how you really feel? Sometimes I find myself affirming and congratulating them on things that I know in my heart I wish I could scold and scream at them for. But I can't...because that would be the official end of our friendship. Call me selfish, it's the truth.
It's almost as if the only reason why they turn to me is because I'm the only one who tells them they're doing OK....Maybe I'm the last thing that keeps them going. But if the going is harmful...do I keep up the game?
I don't know.

**I love LOST. I don't care how ridiculous it has gotten. I freaking LoVe LoSt. This new love double triangle they've got going on ( Kate kicks Juliet's ass btw) has got me quite emotionally involved and the fact that some things (some...) are finally making sense and some circles ( some...) are finally coming around is thrilling.
Anyways, I know there are plenty of haters but I cannot tell a lie...LOST is where its at.

**Goodnight 1:44am Thursday morning.

sleepy

**I went to bed at 2 and my mother just called at 7. lord.
**I bought a wholegrain cracker gift set last night. it's really big and intimidating.

**I also saw Angels and Demons last night with my usual crew
I'm personally not a huge conspiracy theorist atall, but I enjoy the movies that come out of them! Tom Hanks is really quite ugly but he's got an intellectual charm about him that makes him a very complex leading man. Ewan MacGregor, I am a fan but all i can think of when i see him anymore is...why is the Moulin Rouge guy a priest?? Some movie roles outlive you and that's not a bad thing. It was like when Eric from That 70s Show ended up as Spiderman's arch nemesis. I was very confused. Maybe it was just me...
But yes, Angels and Demons is worth seeing. Plot twists, fires, Roman statues, bad priests, hidden passageways, and of course, cataclysmic explosions (my personal favorite).

**Ok, now I think I typed myself back to sleep so goodnight..

The Last Days

This is my last full week in Korea, and my last week working. I'm a bit of chronic quitter by experience so I was surprised when I started to feel sad at the thought of leaving these kids. Some of them were too tired to care that they wouldn't be seeing me anymore, some of them brought me gifts of all sorts and some of them who had barely ever looked me in the eye suddenly seemed strangely and overly curious about me.
I'm sorry to myself for not writing in this regularly( I'm such a such a quitter, i swear )

My baby girl Julie and I said goodbye yesterday.
We had never had a real lesson, ever. I introduced her to Frank Sinatra and she now knows the Thriller dance by heart. I taught her how to say "sit on the beach" properly and I told her exactly word-for-word what to tell that guy who gets on her last nerve at a bar someday.. She in turn taught me how to make a quadruple chin, where to buy the cheapest soda in town and she made me the first person ever to learn her special language
Apparently..."Sa-so" means 25% "So-so" means 50% "So-sa" means 75% and "Sa-Sa"means 98%. This was how Julie rated her friends, and lucky for me.. her teachers. "Teacher you are Sa-sa" "What?!" I would exaggerate and beg to be liked 100%. No avail.



We went to a mini amusement park at Children's Grand Park in Seoul as our goodbye party and when we were flying around and around on the musical chairs kicking our legs and making faces at the flabbergasted Koreans below she shouted out "I love Gloria 100%!!!!" at the top of her lungs. Such a Kodak moment.

##I gave in. I proudly fell off the wagon and am again chain-chewing my way through 2 packs of mint gum a day. Bite me.


To do this week:
pack
pack
pack
overcome my fear of packing
and then pack some more.

8 days and trying not to count...

plain oatmeal

-Good morning-
~For some reason I woke up in a very good mood today. I felt lovely and light and I wanted to dance. Weird right?
~One of those rare days that you wake up and look at yourself in the mirror- bedhead, discolored skin, squinty eyes and all- and you don't want to extinguish that person from the phonebook. Well..at least the bedhead part.
~I adore ,and advocate, plain oatmeal for breakfast.
~I've been told, and I know for a fact, that I don't drink enough water. So every morning, the first thing I do- yes, bedhead, discolored skin, squinty eyes and all- is drink 2 glasses of it. We have a water dispenser in our apartment so the water is safer than most, and I do the dishes a lot so the glasses are cleaner than most. So I know I'm doing right.
~Plain oatmeal, on the other hand, I've gotten mixed reviews about. I love the taste, I think it's just enough flavor for the morning and just enough fiber and grains and blah blah for the day. I just have a bad feeling my future kids might resent me just a little bit due to the lack of sugar-coated purple and blue and red sugar-O's in the cabinets. Just a little bit.
~Its a little bit ironic how we really all do become our mothers.

-later-
I would like to say that Fanta Shakers can absolutely make your day.
It's tried and true. So please try it. I mean, you get the whole package. I personally always want to shake my cans of soda, but I can't because spilling foaming sugar-liquid on your jeans isn't fun. But you are supposed to shake these bad boys. And shake 'em good. Secondly, the texture is amazing. Is it a liquid? is it a solid? Who can tell. And it fizzes in your mouth! Seriously....I don't know where they sell them in the states, or come to think of it, if they even do sell them there but....they're good.
p.s. the orange flavor is the best of the best.
p.s.s Fanta should be paying me for this, but they're not.
p.s.s.s I need to go to work.

-and goodnight-
having an ipod touch is very nice when you are an aspiring writer.
next stop: mac book air.
I just got home from the gym.
It's such a learning experience to have something very normal taken away from you with an almost assurance that you might never get it back. About 2 and a half years ago I was told that I could never run again and that I might not be able to carry my own children. This scared the living hell out of me and gave me the quickest reality check I've had so far. I spent months doing a combination of crawling, sitting, using crutches, and stretching stretching stretching in hopes that my muscles and tendons and ligaments would give my stupid self a second chance. I came home in a wheelchair and my father later cried when he made me promise that I would never let him see me in one again. For a year I couldn't walk for more than 15 minutes without a sharp and deep pain running through the arches of my feet and up my Achilles. I cried many angry tears because it's embarrassing, and humiliating to not have something that is so close to being a human right: the ability to move on our own, when and how we want to.
I just got home from the gym.
I ran the treadmill for 20 minutes and power-walked for 30. This might sound silly but I'm proud of that. Not because I completed a workout, but because I proved the big man with the M.D. wrong. I'm gonna run if I wanna run.
Now, I need to buy some new sneakers. Needless to say, mine have been gathering dust.

First

I want to get into Journalism, and yet...the blog I started just for kicks didn't have a single entry. So here I am and I'm going to try....again.
23 days until I go back to the U.S.. It's been one hell of a ride. A ride that I wouldn't trade in for anything. I've met people who have shaped me so well, I'm finally proud of who I am. I also met people( a choice few) who... let's just use a Korean phrase and say that the next time I meet them I will have an urge to -and I quote-"cut them open and use their insides for jump rope". But hey, they taught me about the person that I never want to be.

-later-
~Today I wore flip flops in the rain. Flip flops are the mascots of freedom, and wearing them in the rain is the epitome of happiness for me. Even with the random pieces of dirt and tree bark that get caught in your toes...at least they get to wiggle around.
~I love crossing my legs on the subway, bobbing my feet to music and having my flips act like drum pedals.
~Way back when in Driver's Ed, my teacher told us to drive barefoot(something about traction) and to keep a pair of black Old Navy flip flops under the driver's seat (something about bare feet driving being illegal). Ever since I have remained true to my school, except i choose AnF cobalt blues as my pair in crime.
~Flip flop- style high heels can also be comfy, actually. I have a pair(somewhere) of brown ones that I found in a Las Vegas thrift shop.
~Your mamma's so fat, she left the house in heels and came back in flip flops, by the way.
~I've purposely worn flip flops in the snow, on numerous, wonderfully adventurous occasions.
~It's 2:11 a.m. and I should go to bed.