Schindler's List

Its funny actually, we live in a world where there are numbers on the newspapers every morning. The numbers of people who died in a suicide bombing here or in a flood there. They don’t really add up in our minds because we didn’t know them. Its not like we don’t care. Its just we don’t really have the means to.

The touching part in Schindler’s List was when he was able to realize the value of one person. When he was able to see that one person who he had never met meant something immense to him.

When I took a year off before college, I had no idea why I was doing it or what I would end up gaining from it. I can say in the end…I walked away with one thing. One. But that one thing was the biggest lesson I could and probably will ever learn for a very long time. I learned how much one person meant to the world. I learned that if you only go by numbers you really couldn’t go very far. I learned that if people could learn to feel and care for someone they had never met …miracles could and would happen. I didn’t walk away from that year with the coveted certificate of completing anything…but I walked away with a broken heart for the world. I learned how to see and feel things in a whole new way.

Anyways…I guess that’s the reason why Schindler’s list made me silent for a while. I didn’t know what to think really. 6,000,000 people are too much. Too much. Too much.

6 million dreams, hopes, loves, futures…

6 million??

I have 563 friends on Facebook. And probably a good 50 without it…That’s 600 people.

If there was a candle for every life lost..6 million lights would go on forever….

Korean Subway Stories

-i ride the subway a minimum of 2 hours a day now, so so far i've had some interesting encounters....-

--the grass lady---one evening, this lady walked on the subway with a huge enormous bundle of grass that literally touched the ceiling of the subway car. i say it was a lady just because of (her) hands and feet, I never actually saw (her) face. i'm in a foreign country, so i'm fairly used to the weirdos, but (she) still sticks in my mind. where was she going with a bundle of grass? why?

--the jesus man---ok, so i know you can encounter these guys in america too, but this guy was really into it. his cross was HUGE and it had 'love' written in all these languages on it, ( you know, just in case you didn't know the cross story...) he was dressed all in red. and he was going down the subway car preaching to us.i say preaching but it was more like shrieking and chanting mixed up... i tried to look like i was already full of the holy spirit....

--mister korea---so, there isn't a huge selection of english books here and i do the best with what i get. i recently bought "the best american essays of 2008" at a local bookstore, and was reading a freakishly random yet interesting essay on hitler's mustache. being all brown hair and blue-eyed and all...i've been rather lucky to avoid the anti-americans, but once in awhile i get 'em. so..i'm intently reading my essay book (i mean, its about the fuhrer's trademark facial hair, it was intenssse) and i see this pair of legs thrust themselves in front of me. ohh no... i'm thinking. this can't be good. "title!!" comes this rough old voice in broken english. i ignore it..."Title!!" he goes again. I look up with the biggest smile "Hey..." In my head i'm thinking, shit, it says the a-word on the cover, whyyyy oh whyyy does it say the a-word?? "book title!!" he demands again. so with my smile still glued to my face i turn my book over and wait for the screams...he reads loudly "best american....no no!!! korea is best! korea number one". i gulp..."sir...its not even about america really....its kinda about the nazis right now..." but he was already gone. why cant we all be friends...

--the squirmy guy---so you know when there's one seat available and two people walk on and its awkward for like half a second and then someone automatically gives it up. well....unless one of you is 90 years old, not in korea. its sit or be sat upon round here. literally. i walk on and so does this 20something guy. we see the seat, i don't go for it and neither does he, so i take a step forward and so does he, i avoid it and then he does, i go for it and then he does.......this went on for a good 3 seconds. then i went for it at the same time as he did and for some reason didn't see him sit down or something...and ended up on his lap. ya. not cool. needless to say i got out of that car faast.

--the salesmanly-man---leggings are allllll the rage right now. miniskirts and leggings, shorts and leggings, shirts and leggings,blah blahh. and its not enough that they have a ready supply of every color and texture available everywhere, the salespeople actually come onto the train to sell them. now, leggings are generally worn primarily if not exclusively by women and ballerina-men right? wrong. imagine my surprise when the 60-year-old salesman lifted up his pant leg...ever so slightly...to reveal that he too wore them underneath it all. i don't know how he sold anything that way....

--the squatting lady---sometimes the car is so packed that you cant move. i detest this so so much and during rush hour i always try to get on either at the very front or the very back of the train so that i can have a wall to lean on. well, i made a friend one day. usually the old ladies are grumpy grumpy grumpy but this one had one of those contagious smiles, and a twinkle in her eye. she looked at me mischievously and slowly slid her back down the wall until she was sitting on the floor, she then took some newspaper that was on the ground and spread it out for me, so i (obediently, of course) followed suit. she must have been so old but she still had that spark in her. she gave me some ginseng (ew) candy and teared up when i called her beautiful. we got off at the same stop and i walked her up to the elevator. she pumped my hand up and down with all her strength when we said bye, and i think she was the most beautiful thing i've seen since. after all, what is beauty without a smile and a twinkle in its eye?

Wintertime

*winterrrrrrrr.iwanna.go.iceskating

##Today i tested LG phones.

Surrounded by four eager, turtleneck-wearing 35/40-year-old nerds and with the project manager of LG breathing down my neck i did 3 straight hours of voice recognition testing and recording. None of them spoke english, and though i've been catching much korean, we still couldnt really communicate. they just shoved a stack of papers in front of me and made me say the words at the beep. ( : "call Barbara Perez", "restart", "send video message to Jean". nothing to it. so....if youre thinking of buying an LG, ask me and i'll tell you which ones are crap. lol. this country is full of surprises.

##henna. my mom lived in morrocco until she was 16, so i grew up helping her put the nasty weed-smelling green mess into her black hair to give it a reddish-tint and get rid of the grays that managed to find their way there. today, i decided to break my own hair-color virginity. i'm now an auburn ( ; yay, i needed something new, and it hits the spot.

##i watched Baz Lurmahn's (he deserves capitals) romeo+juliet for the first time a couple nights ago. loveloveloved it! Lurmahn is a genius. his austrailia was brilliant as well....i think people should stop complaining, historical inaccuracies are always there and noted...as a history buff myself,,it came very close and was a beautifully played out song on the heart-strings.

Jeans are like friends

There are the crappy ones. Expensive ones. Thrift store no-names. Dark ones. Light ones. Go-to ones. Ones that make you look great. Skinny ones. And your highschool ones that dont make much sense but you keep close for old-times sake...

Finding decent jeans/friends, let alone great ones, is a battle. But once you find that perfect one, you can trust on them for years.

I bought 3 pairs of jeans on the same day 3 years ago, and they have traveled with me everywhere ever since. If I went on a trip, I would take these 3 pairs because they were reliable and dependable. There wasnt much guesswork because I felt comfortable in them. Similarly, in the past few years I have held onto a few close people and trusted and relied on them to an extreme ammount (I feel). I couldnt conceive that maybe I would lose them one day or have to trade them in for anyone else.

A couple weeks ago, I found a hole in one of my sacred jeans. My best pair. I grabbed for my next available pair and surprisingly there was a delicately thin patch in the same place, and on my third pair, as well. Three jeans, entered my life on the same day and left together on the same day as well. It's like I was too busy using them that I had started to believe they would stick around with me forever.

So, I hit up Calvin Klein and got a really anti-Gloria pair of jeans. They're just not me. And I love that. I love being able to step into something else. I'm not going to lie and say I threw away those 3 pairs of beloved stretched-out denim...I still have them. I don't really know why, but I think its for the same reason that I keep all of my friends-even those that I seem to have grown out of- at a reasonable distance. I keep those jeans just in case I might want to wear them again someday. Or make cutoffs out of. But I dont want to ever burn out a pair of jeans/ a person ever again.

It's ok to grow and to change. It's ok to shed your skin. It's the way we were made. Keep on moving. But just dont throw it away, you might need it again someday.

~<3

I don't think I'm meant for journalistic greatness if I can't keep this up. And I haven't really been keeping it up so...tralala.

Looking for a job, and a house, and a car. (and balance too would be nice) It's funny because a week ago I thought I had all those things in the bag and ready to go. So I slacked off and thought that if I just smiled and let the wind blow( like I usually do) , the gods would bring me all the earthly pleasures I deserve.
Well I guess that means I deserve to be all stressed out about money?
I'd like to believe that I have good fortune when it comes to money. My family in general has been lucky with the green stuff in the long run and I think karma has a hell of a lot to do with it.
When I was born the only reason why my dad couldn't apply for food stamps was because he was a white male. Even though our fridge was empty, my parents were unemployed and living in a PG county HUD home just like the best of them.
Call me against the traditional liberal grain of my generation.. but that's majorly fucked up...

So it took awhile(a decade or so actually) for our application to the Karma department to go through, but when it did I think some of the pixie dust fell on me. So I'm relatively good with money. Not that it comes flying at me like metal clippings to a magnet but I just don't usually worry about it and things work themselves out.
But now, I hate to say it but I'm panicking. and it's usually against my money rules to panic, because I think people who panic about money don't work the energy in their favor, so I'm trying to breathe and trying to look at it all in perspective but at the end of the day....I'm allowed to worry a little right?

So I'm worrying right now as I'm writing this...and hoping (ever so gently) that karma hurries along with all the people who deserve it's grace more than me.
Maybe in time for midterms?
Or Christmas?

~gloria

home again

They say home is where the heart is. I think this goes deeper than it sounds like at first. The heart is supposed to be the place where secret things hit. Pain is the most excruciating there and happiness is the most comforting.
Home has always been such a bitter place for me. I've never been homesick in my life and yet I care too much to disown the place (I also don't care for the thought of becoming disowned either so I try and play my cards right haha).
Tomorrow I'm going on a week-long trip to South Dakota with my father. That's 4 days in a car (red Roush limited edition badassmutherfrikin Mustang for those who know what that is) with a man that knows me all too well. We've both changed and moulded over the years for the good and the worse. I am proud of my father and yet I also see myself still fighting battles that he has surrendered long ago, battles that I have every intention of winning. I'm nervous for the conversations and yet I know I would rather have them than be left wishing I had taken the time to.
I've never been to the Dakotas. I've been to Nebraska and I have no clue why but completely loved it there. So, in the spirit of the road trip..I am going to take many many pictures!!
Stay tuned and have a great summer

a song i wish i could sing

"...and freedom, oh freedom well, thats just some people talkin'. Your prison is walking through this world all alone."